Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
