it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
