You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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