just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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