She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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