so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
