Bisexual people are plain selfish.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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