please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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