She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
