he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
