Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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