i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
