We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
