If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
this beer tastes like vomit already
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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