No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he thought i was a dude.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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