The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
