Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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