i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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