I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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