my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
