i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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