Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
