my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
