I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
