so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
