If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
