why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
