so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
