Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
