In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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