I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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