There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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