Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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