Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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