2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
