I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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