Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
