Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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