Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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