It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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