went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
