So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
