I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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