i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
