i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
