do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
