farters have to be the big spoon...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
