She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sober January is a disaster.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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