I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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