I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
