i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
