Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
