I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
