I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
