Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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