I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
