i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
