Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
