I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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