yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
