I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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