best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
