Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
