im drinking this country out of the recession.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
