I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
