if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
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Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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