I can't watch pbs sober anymore
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
