Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
